Difficult People · Hypnosis session
How to Deal With Passive Aggressive People Who Insist Nothing Is Wrong
The dishes are done, loudly. “Fine” arrives with a full stop, and a colleague’s email opens with “as per my last”. Nothing you could quote back without sounding petty. Here is what passive-aggressive behaviour is, a calm, direct way to answer it, and a recording to relax and rehearse that answer.
First: is this sulking, or is it control?On its own, passive aggression is wearing rather than dangerous. But if a partner, ex or family member frightens you, controls who you see or what you spend, monitors your phone, or keeps making you doubt your own memory, that is abuse, not a communication problem, and nothing on this site is sold for it.
- 1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732, or text 0458 737 732, 24/7. In NSW, coercive control of a current or former intimate partner has been a crime since 1 July 2024.
- In danger now: 000.
- Worried that your own behaviour at home has become controlling: the Men’s Referral Service, 1300 766 491, 24 hours.
- At work, repeated and wearing you down: it may meet the legal definition of bullying. The bully at work page covers where to take it.
- Low for weeks: your GP. Thoughts of not wanting to be here: Lifeline, 13 11 14, any hour.
The Passive Aggressive
Twenty-two minutes of guided relaxation and rehearsal for staying level when the jab comes sideways, and a regular time to practise the calm, direct question on this page. Free sample first.
US$18.95one-off · no subscription · about A$27
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Chosen by Ernest McLeodClinical hypnotherapist. An Adelaide practice, seeing clients across Australia by video. Fourteen years in practice. About Ernest →
Which of these sound like one person you know?
- “Fine.” With the full stop, and a door closed harder than it needed to be
- A job you asked for, done late or badly, with a reason already prepared
- A compliment that stung for an hour afterwards
- A reply-all where a quiet word would have done
- Silence at dinner, and “nothing’s wrong” when you ask
Three or more from the same person and this page is for you. If they also frighten you, go back to the box above.
What is in The Passive Aggressive session?
A single guided session of twenty-two minutes, narrated by Roger Elliott, made for repeat listening. The publisher built it for people who live or work with someone whose hostility comes out sideways. It is guided relaxation with rehearsal of staying level and holding your ground, and alongside this page a regular, settled time to practise the calm, direct question further down.
The largest recent review of hypnosis for pain (Yim and Derbyshire, 2026) compared how it was delivered and found no meaningful difference between a live clinician, a recording and self-hypnosis. That research was on pain, not on passive aggression, but it’s the best evidence there is that a recording isn’t a second-rate version of sitting in a room with someone.
The publisher has a short sample, a few minutes long, so you can hear Roger Elliott’s voice first. You stay aware throughout and can stop whenever you like. Not while driving. It won’t change the other person; it’s for your half of the exchange.
Is passive-aggressive a personality disorder?
Not any more. Passive-aggressive personality disorder was in the diagnostic manual until DSM-IV in 1994, which renamed it negativistic personality disorder, widened it and moved it to an appendix. DSM-5 left it out. The behaviour is real and everyday; the diagnosis isn’t current. So the useful label is for what someone does, not who they are.
Some researchers question the decision. In a large clinical sample, Hopwood and colleagues (2009) noted that the decision’s scientific basis “has been questioned” and found support for the construct. A 2021 paper by Lewis and colleagues said its omission had left open many questions, including how stable the pattern is over time.
None of that lets you diagnose a colleague or a sister-in-law, and it’s why this page talks about moments rather than people. “You’re so passive-aggressive” is a verdict, and verdicts get denied.
What is the root cause of passive-aggressive behaviour?
Nobody has settled it. A 2021 paper describes theoretical disagreements that, along with its removal from the manual, have left basic questions about the pattern open. My working assumption, and it is only that, is that people go sideways when saying it straight feels unsafe, unwelcome or pointless to them. That explains without excusing, and it points to what you control: whether straight talk is welcome with you.
The Passive AggressiveUS$18.95 · instant download · full refund within 90 days if it isn’t right.
Opens the publisher’s checkout in a new tab. Or keep reading — the free techniques below cost nothing.
What is the best way to respond to passive-aggressive behaviour?
Calmly, directly, and about one specific thing: name what happened, ask a plain question, say what you need, then stop. Nobody has tested this or any other way of responding. A PubMed search in September 2026 found no controlled study of handling someone else’s passive aggression; the research is about the personality construct. So treat what follows as sound practice, not a proven method.
The closest evidence is on assertiveness. A 2023 meta-analysis of nine studies of nurses found assertive-communication training improved speaking up about medical errors, and a separate 2023 review of 14 studies of nurses and nursing students found mixed results overall, but that chances to practise the skill benefited speaking up. Hence the rehearsal.
- Wait until you’re level, then pick one moment
Not in the heat of the slammed door. Choose one recent, specific thing you could describe to a stranger: “The report came back two days after the deadline,” not “You always do this.” A moment can be discussed. A character can only be defended.
- Ask the direct question they avoided
“When you said ‘fine’ and left the room, it sounded like something was wrong. Is something bothering you about the weekend?” Then stop talking. The pause is the point: it leaves room for a straight answer. If they say nothing’s wrong, take that at face value, out loud: “Okay. If that changes, I’d rather hear it straight.”
- Say what you need once, with a consequence you control
At work: “I need your section by Thursday at noon. If it isn’t in, I’ll send the draft without it.” At home, something smaller and just as plain. The consequence should be something you’ll actually do, not a threat. Then do it, calmly, and don’t reargue it.
- Don’t answer sideways
Sarcasm, a pointed silence, a reply-all of your own: each feels earned, and each keeps the loop in the diagram turning. If you catch yourself at it, say so: “That came out snippier than I meant.” It’s the cheapest way I know to step out.
Steps two and three are the ones worth rehearsing out loud until the words feel like yours. The session is a good place to practise them: twenty-two settled minutes, then say the lines once while you’re still calm.
What if the passive-aggressive person is at work?
Then ask one more question: is it repeated, unreasonable and creating a risk to your health? Safe Work Australia notes that some bullying is indirect, like leaving someone out on purpose, and can be subtle. If it has reached that point it may meet the legal definition, and the bully at work page covers the Fair Work Commission, regulators and unions.
Most office sniping won’t reach that line. Keep a dated note of incidents anyway; if it does become a pattern, the note is what you’ll need.
The Passive Aggressive
US$18.95About A$27 · one-off, no subscription.
- 22 minutes 18 seconds, narrated by Roger Elliott of Uncommon Knowledge
- An instant MP3 download you keep
- A short sample on the publisher’s page, so you can hear the voice first
- For sideways hostility from a colleague, friend or relative, where nobody is afraid
Opens the publisher’s secure checkout · no account needed
The publisher reports 420 purchases of The Passive Aggressive.
That’s their count of purchases. It says nothing about results.
What has and hasn’t been studied?
The passive-aggression research is about the personality construct: what it is and whether it belongs in the manual. On 25 September 2026, PubMed held no records at all combining hypnosis or hypnotherapy with passive-aggressive or “difficult people”, so there is no controlled trial.
The nearest evidence is about stress in general, not other people. A 2020 German trial by Fisch and colleagues gave 95 adults five group hypnosis sessions plus home recordings and found lower self-rated stress than with a booklet, but the comparison group had no matching contact and the recordings weren’t tested alone. An earlier review of nine trials, from 2017, judged the stress evidence unclear.
When it’s worth talking it throughIf passive aggression is the weather in a relationship you want to keep, counselling is built for exactly that conversation: Relationships Australia (1300 364 277) offers counselling and mediation. If you’ve been low for weeks, start with your GP, who can refer you under Medicare’s Better Access. Where there’s fear or control, go back to the box at the top rather than to couples counselling.
Who is this session wrong for?
The box at the top comes first. After that, it’s the wrong buy whenever the problem is bigger than a sideways remark, or when what you want is for the other person to change, because a recording only ever reaches your side of it.
- A partner, ex or relative frightens or controls you. 1800RESPECT, on 1800 737 732.
- It’s at work, repeated, and wearing you down. The bully at work page, then the Fair Work Commission.
- You want them to change. It can’t do that.
- You recognise the pattern in yourself. Assertiveness Training is closer.
- You’ve been low for weeks. Your GP first.
- You’ve had thoughts of not wanting to be here. Ring Lifeline on 13 11 14 tonight.
Free and confidential, open now. Tap to call.
Common questions about passive-aggressive people
What is the six word phrase to stop passive-aggressive behaviour?
There isn’t one with evidence behind it. Various lines circulate online, but no phrase of any length has been tested, and there’s no controlled study of any way of responding to passive aggression. What reads as sound practice is plainer: name one specific moment, ask a direct question, say what you need, and don’t reply in kind.
Can passive-aggressive people change?
Nobody can say for a particular person, and it isn’t something you can make happen. The research doesn’t settle it either: a 2021 paper noted open questions about how stable the pattern is over time. What you control is your side: whether you answer sideways or straight, and what you do when a need you’ve stated plainly is ignored.
Is passive-aggressive behaviour a mental illness?
No. Passive-aggressive personality disorder was moved to an appendix in DSM-IV in 1994, under a new name, and left out of DSM-5. Passive-aggressive behaviour is an everyday description of hostility expressed indirectly, not a diagnosis, and nobody can diagnose a colleague or relative from outside. If you’re worried about your own mood or behaviour, a GP is the place to start.
Is passive aggression a form of abuse?
Not necessarily. On its own it’s often poor communication. It becomes something else when it’s deliberate, repeated and part of a pattern of control. 1800RESPECT puts it this way: “when someone deliberately hurts you over and over again it becomes abusive.” If a partner or relative frightens or controls you, ring 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732, at any hour.
Can hypnosis help you deal with passive aggressive people?
What a recording offers is a calm, structured time to settle and rehearse answering straight rather than sideways, as often as you like. Whether hypnosis helps with passive aggression hasn’t been tested: a PubMed search in September 2026 found no records pairing the two, let alone a trial. It won’t change the other person, and no success rate exists.
What if the session does nothing for me?
Ask the publisher for your money back within 90 days, quoting your order number, and they refund in full, no questions asked, one order per customer. There’s also a short sample on their page, a few minutes long, so you can hear whether Roger Elliott’s voice suits you before spending anything.
Where these numbers come from
- Hopwood CJ, Wright AG. A comparison of passive-aggressive and negativistic personality disorders. J Pers Assess. 2012;94(3):296-303. doi:10.1080/00223891.2012.655819
- Hopwood CJ, Morey LC, Markowitz JC, et al. The construct validity of passive-aggressive personality disorder. Psychiatry. 2009;72(3):256-67. doi:10.1521/psyc.2009.72.3.256
- Lewis KC, Ridenour JM, Pitman S, Roche M. Evaluating stable and situational expressions of passive-aggressive personality disorder: a multimethod experience sampling case study. J Pers Assess. 2021;103(4):558-70. doi:10.1080/00223891.2020.1818572
- Chen HW, Wu JC, Kang YN, et al. Assertive communication training for nurses to speak up in cases of medical errors: a systematic review and meta-analysis. Nurse Educ Today. 2023;126:105831. doi:10.1016/j.nedt.2023.105831
- Lee SE, Kim E, Lee JY, Morse BL. Assertiveness educational interventions for nursing students and nurses: a systematic review. Nurse Educ Today. 2023;120:105655. doi:10.1016/j.nedt.2022.105655
- Fisch S, Trivaković-Thiel S, Roll S, et al. Group hypnosis for stress reduction and improved stress coping: a multicenter randomized controlled trial. BMC Complement Med Ther. 2020;20(1):344. doi:10.1186/s12906-020-03129-6
- Fisch S, Brinkhaus B, Teut M. Hypnosis in patients with perceived stress: a systematic review. BMC Complement Altern Med. 2017;17(1):323. doi:10.1186/s12906-017-1806-0
- Yim TH, Derbyshire SWG. A systematic review of hypnosis for clinical pain relief. Eur J Pain. 2026;30(8):e70369. doi:10.1002/ejp.70369
- Safe Work Australia. Bullying: overview [Internet]. [cited 2026 Sep 25]. safeworkaustralia.gov.au
- 1800RESPECT. Psychological abuse [Internet]. [cited 2026 Sep 25]. 1800respect.org.au
- 1800RESPECT. Domestic and family violence [Internet]. [cited 2026 Sep 25]. 1800respect.org.au
- NSW Government. Coercive control and the law [Internet]. [cited 2026 Sep 25]. nsw.gov.au
- NSW Government. Coercive control (Men’s Referral Service listing) [Internet]. [cited 2026 Sep 25]. nsw.gov.au
- PubMed searches, 25 September 2026: hypnosis or hypnotherapy terms with passive-aggressive or difficult people (no records); passive-aggressive with diagnostic terms (records on the personality construct only, none on how to respond).
- Running time, sample and purchase count: the publisher’s product page, 25 September 2026.
Other pages that may fit you better
- Difficult peopleThe whole group, sorted by who the person is and what they do
- Cope with BullyingIf the sniping at work has become a pattern that’s wearing you down
- Dealing with the NarcissistIf it’s less sulking, more everything being about them
- Stop ArguingIf every sideways remark ends in the same row with the same person
Whatever you decide about the session, pick one recent moment this week and write down the direct question you’d ask about it. Saying it can wait until you’re ready. Writing it costs nothing.
Ernest McLeod — clinical hypnotherapist. An Adelaide practice, seeing clients across Australia by video. Fourteen years in practice.
- ICHP
- FELLOW, ASCH
- IICT MEMBER
With a session like this, I look for rehearsal of saying the thing, not only of staying calm about it. Hence the direct question at the centre of this page. More →
Hear the sample, then twenty-two minutes to rehearse
If nobody is frightening you and the sample voice suits you, this gives the direct question a calm, regular place to be practised.
US$18.95Instant download · 90-day refund · about A$27
Results vary from person to person, and hypnosis does not replace medical care or treatment. This is self-help audio, not a diagnosis or a substitute for professional care. If someone close to you frightens or controls you: 1800RESPECT, 1800 737 732, or text 0458 737 732. In immediate danger: 000. Lifeline: 13 11 14. Never listen while driving.